Frieza Sings The Convoy Song!
by Snipermander
Summary: Frieza sings to the tune of Convoy by C.W. McCall. He recalls the day he eliminated Planet Vegeta and most of the Saiyan race. VERY FUNNY! But listen to the song before reading!


**Note From The Author:**

For those of you who may not know what this song is, it's called "Convoy", and it is a novelty song sung by C.W. McCall. The original song is about a huge gang of truckers back in the 70's who banded together to protest the lowering of the Interstate Speed Limit down to just 55 MPH.  
In this version that I wrote, Frieza is basically retelling the story of when he destroyed Planet Vegeta and eradicated the Saiyan race out of fear from an uprising. He is singing it from his Point Of View, and in the rhythm of the "Convoy" song. Also, the Radio Communicators that Frieza and his brother Cooler are talking together on is similar to a radio channel device used by truck drivers to talk to one another.  
If you have not heard this song before, I recommend you find it on You Tube and listen to it while reading this. Enjoy!

(On the ship's Radio Communicator) COOLER: "Brother? You there?"

FRIEZA: "Yes, yes. What is it?"  
COOLER: "Great. So what's the 10-4 tonight?"  
FRIEZA: "I heard of a great little number off the Interstellar State'; I'm off to take a look at it."  
COOLER: "I'll come with you, then; I hear the solar winds out there are pretty rough…"  
FRIEZA: "Good thinking." (Laughs) "Hay! Look how many ships we have now!"  
COOLER: "Wow…"  
FRIEZA: "For sure, for sure… mercy sakes! Looks like we have ourselves a Convoy!"

(Frieza singing)

_It was the dark of the moon, on the sixth of June,  
And a spaceship full of men,  
Flying saucer with a reefer on,  
And an engine made of lead._

_We was huntin' for planets, in the Milky Way,  
Bout a light year from Cosmo's Way,  
I said, "Big brother, this here's Prince Frieza,  
And I'm about to put the hammer down…"_

(Chorus)

_Cause we are the mighty Planet Trade,  
Rockin' through outer space!  
Yeah, we've gotta a mighty Planet Trade,  
Ain't this a beautiful place?!  
Come on and join our Planet Trade,  
Ain't no one gonna get in our space!  
We gonna roll this flyin' saucer,  
Cross the Universe!  
Convoy!  
Convoy!_

(On the ship's Radio Communicator) COOLER: "Brother, where the hell are you taking us?"

FRIEZA: "Sorry, but I've got to take a little 'detour': apparently, there's an upraising among the Saiyans in Galaxy 6-4."  
COOLER: "I see. We gonna get any action out there?"  
FRIEZA: "Oh yeah! For sure, for sure! And because of that, I think you better back your ship off some… those monkeys sure know how to put up a fit… hang on!"

_By time we got to Planet Vegeta,  
I had eighty-five ships in all.  
But there was a powerful uprising,  
And those monkeys were wall-to-wall.  
_

_Them Saiyans were thick as bugs on my windshield,  
They even had Saiyans in the air!  
I said, "Calling all troops! This here's Frieza,  
We're about to go a huntin' apes!"_

(Chorus)

_Cause we are the mighty Planet Trade,  
Rockin' through outer space!  
Yeah, we've gotta a mighty Planet Trade,  
Ain't this a beautiful place?!  
Come on and join our Planet Trade,  
Ain't no one gonna get in our space!  
We gonna roll this flyin' saucer,  
Cross the Universe!  
Convoy!  
Convoy!_

(On the ship's Radio Communicator) FRIEZA: "Hay, Cooler! Are you watchin'?"  
COOLER: "…Uh, yeah, bro', I sure am. But are you sure you know what your doin'?"  
FRIEZA: "'Course I do, now back off your ship a few more miles, brother; you're still too close. Mercy, sakes! It's getting intense out here!"

(Music starts to pick up speed)

_Well, I pulled up on their O-Zone Layer,  
Like an armored tank on wings.  
I launched a full scale assault,  
And took out their only king  
_

_By time I hit their major town,  
Those monkeys were getting' smart,  
They all looked up into their moon,  
And grew to enormous size!  
_

_Their furs were black and brown, and orange and gray,  
Their muzzles full of fangs.  
Yeah, those lands were full of monkeys,  
And fireballs filled the skies!  
_

_But I wasn't scared, I shot them down,  
With a thousand screaming turbines.  
And a million and a half of the warriors,  
Both my brother's and mine…_

(On the ship's Radio Communicator) COOLER: "Now what are you doing?!"  
FRIEZA: "Something I should have done a long time ago…"  
COOLER: "Fine, bro. But just remember, I'm not cleaning up this mess of yours."  
FRIEZA: "Whatever. Just sit back and watch the fireworks…Ha ha!"

_Well, I had enough of playing games,  
I gathered a bomb on my fingertip,  
I was going to end it here!  
The bomb was bigger then my ship!  
_

_I grinned and laughed hysterically,  
As I knew that I' had won,  
Those monkeys were still not giving up,  
But I didn't give a gawd damn care!  
_

_I let the bomb fall from my finger,  
And watched it hit the surface:  
It melted right through their planet's crust,  
And straight into their core._

_As I turned the ship,  
And started off towards home,  
I offered one last look,  
Proud of all my work I've done,  
I said, "Let them monkeys burn! 10-4!"_

(Chorus)

_Cause we are the mighty Planet Trade,  
Rockin' through outer space!  
Yeah, we've gotta a mighty Planet Trade,  
Ain't this a beautiful place?!  
Come on and join our Planet Trade,  
Ain't no one gonna get in our space!  
We gonna roll this flyin' saucer,  
Cross the Universe!  
Convoy!  
Convoy!_

(On the ship's Radio Communicators) COOLER: "Damn, Frieza! You sure made a mess out there… were there any survivors?"  
FRIEZA: "Just three that I know of… they'll come to great use to me…"  
COOLER: "What about that young one in the small ship I saw taking off? It looked like an infant; you worried about that?"  
FRIEZA: "Oh, please! Like have the time to worry about just one! Now lets get home, I'm bored. Bring in the troops and let's head off."  
COOLER: "10-4."

The End


End file.
